I'm lost and stupid without you.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
