She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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