I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
