he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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