how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
