i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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