i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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