Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
