I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
