Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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