I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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