I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize