Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
