A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
