she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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