I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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