I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
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