The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
