i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
