keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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