I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Congratulations! We have a period
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
