if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
