The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
