you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
She bit a glass in half.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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