I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
