im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
