i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
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