I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
