I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
