last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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