and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize