Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
