there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
the liver wants what the liver wants
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
