Kiss
Puke
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
