Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
