And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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