I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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