Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I have demons in me.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
