I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
