would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize