I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize