the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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