Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
