They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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