i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
