i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
