I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
