What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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