Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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