Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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