ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
