i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize