It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
