He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
