so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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