Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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