I think I died a long time ago.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
