just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
