I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I know her cup size but not her name....
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