Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
