Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
