I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
