sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
