Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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