you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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